Say Yes to self-care!
Why does it seem to be so difficult to take care of yourself? It should be the easiest thing, right? You wake up, brush your teeth, feed yourself some nutritious food, go about your day, fit in some exercise to keep that machine (your body) moving. Keep it topped up with water, feed a a few times a day, give it a clean (some days a deeper clean then others) and if something isn’t working well, you take action to fix it; just like you would when your car rattles or your bike tire is flat.
Sound simple? It should be! But somehow self-care has moved from the Nr. 1. spot on the list to the last spot on the list. And we all know what happens to things that are last on our list; they don’t get done! Because by now we are tired and exhausted, we have crossed off many things of our daily to do lists and can’t be bothered any more, because there are still other things on our list until we literally close our eyes to go to sleep. So we don’t do it. But we get the glue stick on the list, call the vet for that appointment, remind the husband about his dental appointment and drive the kids around like they’re part of the royal family.
Most of us struggle with self-care, why? Let’s first start by looking at what self-care actually is.
Definition of self-care:
the practice of taking an active role in protecting or improving one's own well-being and happiness
The World Health Organisation defines self-care as “the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider
Why self-care is hard
One of the main reasons people fail to take care of themselves is because they think it is selfish or they think others will see them as selfish. My question is; why do you care what others think of you? If your friend who works very hard and is always there for their family tells you they are going to a Pilates class because it makes them feel good, are you going to judge them, would you consider them selfish? Or would you totally understand why they need to do something for themselves. Often we are able to extend kindness to others, why not ourselves?
Self-care is especially hard for those who grew up in dysfunctional families because they tend to focus on other people's feelings, needs, and problems, and take care of others, often at their own expense, because that is what they are used to.
There is a big misunderstanding around self-care: It is seen as a a luxury, like a spa treatment. I regularly get clients who come for a yearly massage because they decide to ‘treat themselves’. They don’t view getting a massage as active participation in keeping themselves, their body and their mind healthy. They even feel guilty about it. Even that 1 massage a year still feels like indulgence.
Why people feel guilty about self-care?
We tend to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves because we may not believe that we're worth it, or we feel it's wrong to put ourselves first. While it's important to be there for others, it's also vital to make sure that you're considering your emotional and physical state first by engaging in self-love.
To really practice self-care you really need to listen to your body, regularly check in with yourself and tuning in to the thoughts going on in your mind, and also challenging your behaviours and belief systems if things feel out of alignment in your life.
Self-care practices are any actions you take to improve your mental, physical, or emotional well-being so you can be your best self!
Writing shopping lists in your mind and listing things that need to be done while getting a massage or going to meditation class, is not self-care. In fact that might feel like another chore, another something to tick of the list.
Self-care looks different for everyone. Some people thrive on social connections while others need lots of alone time. Some people love a vigorous workout, and others would rather attend a slow, mindful yoga class. There are those who find cleaning therapeutic, and others who find it draining. You just need to do you and find what works for you.
How do you figure out what works for you? You can start by asking yourself these questions:
When I feel overwhelmed, what’s the first thing I want to do?
When do I feel good?
What makes me happy?
What do I daydream about doing?
What do I want to do that I never get to do?
How do I want to feel?
And just because something is good for you; that doesn’t make it self-care, You need to get some sense of gratification out of it for it to be self-care. Activities like running or meditation may be good for your overall health and well-being but if you hate them, then they are not considered self-care, rather another thing on the list to complete.
Ultimately, your self-care routine should make you a better version of yourself. As long as the activities that you choose are adding to your well-being and are not detrimental to the other areas of your life.
There are many benefits to self-care: better relationships, you’ll be better at taking care of others (you can’t pour from an empty cup!), more resilience and you will be able to cope much better in your day to day life. You’ll be able to balance personal and professional responsibilities better. You will have more patience and feel more satisfied and best of all you are keeping yourself healthy, physically and mentally, therefor preventing illnesses and diseases, who doesn’t want that!
Self care should be taught to our children. We should be their example and show them how they themselves influence their own wellbeing and happiness. We shouldn’t be made to feel bad by wanting a healthy and happy life, this should be a given! We should show others how to take care of themselves by practising this ourselves and lead by example.
So it’s time! Time for you, time for me, time for all of us to improve our self care. To put ourselves on the top of the list and not at the bottom, because everyone will be better off if you do. If you need some inspiration, here are 50 ideas to start you off with. Take a few minutes, read the list and really have a think what you can do for yourself. Because you ARE WORTH IT!
50 Self-care practices and ideas
Take care!
Hanneke x
